Puzzle Pieces
by evieeden
Summary: He always felt that there was something in his life that didn't fit properly. Advent story written for 8th December.


**Happy 8****th**** December. We're a week in! Woooo! Which means this year's attempt at a full advent set is now more successful than last year's by a whole two days.**

**Anyway, yesterday I gave you happiness (or smut, which is kind of the same thing) and so today we are once again back to the weird idea with some angst combo I usually stick with. Anyway, I hope you all like it.**

**Big big big thanks goes to one of my favourite fandom people, LJ Summers, who was lovely enough to beta this for me. Twilight can never be mine, unfortunately, despite my best efforts to woo it away from Stephanie Meyer. **

**Puzzle Pieces**

Sometimes I look at Emily and I have no clue who she is.

It's like my memory completely fades and I'm suddenly left facing a strange woman in my kitchen. Then she says my name and I'm snapped back to reality, dragged back to this life where not one decision has ever been mine.

None of this is mine.

My house has been taken over, my lover has been discarded, left bitter and fuming, and my body has been torn apart and remade anew. I'm in control of nothing in my life and the wolf inside of me fumes at this slight to my dominance.

"Sam."

There she goes again, the strange woman in my house.

"What are you thinking about?" she demands to know.

"I'm thinking about you," I tell her and it's true in one way.

She hears the subtext though and her mouth tightens in disapproval. "Are you patrolling again tonight?" she asks even though she already knows the answer.

"Yes. It's a school night and I can't afford for the younger boys to get too tired."

"And what about you?"

"I'm always tired," I mutter and it's true. I can't remember the last time I had a full night of deep sleep. I'm constantly on guard, constantly half-awake, ready to leap up at a moment's notice.

She shakes her head. "Well, I think you should have a night off and let one of the others take it for you and we can have a nice, relaxing night in, just you and me with no interruptions."

I don't bother to explain that even if there were no interruptions I wouldn't be able to relax fully anyway. As fucked up as my life is there are others in my pack, younger and with more to give, who are out there protecting their borders, and, until morning comes, I can't relax until I know they're safe.

"I have to patrol tonight," I say again. "You know that none of us get a break."

She scowls, the scars on her face exaggerating her frown and again as I look at her, I can't understand where she came from.

"Everyone else seems to get breaks, just not you."

"It's because I'm Alpha and they're my pack," I try to explain, but she isn't having any of it.

"You shouldn't even be Alpha anyway. Let Jake take it on and then you and I can start living our lives together."

"Jake's just a kid and he doesn't want it yet. I'm happy to carry on until he decides to take up his birthright."

"So self-sacrificing," she mocks. "Fine. Go and patrol, but don't expect me to be waiting for you when you get back."

It's not the first time she's made that threat, although I am surprised to notice that it's the first time I haven't cared about whether she means it or not. Turning my back on her, I leave the house with its alien occupant and stalk into the forest before stripping my clothes off and phasing.

As I trot my way further into the woods, I realise that I actually feel different somehow...lighter. It's as if a great burden has been lifted from my shoulders and I can breathe freely for the first time in years.

My mind drifts back to the issue of Emily, but it's more a reflection upon her than the obsessive thoughts I used to be subjected to. I know this means that something's wrong with the imprint, but I can't bring myself to care. Instead, I let out a series of yips and then begin to sprint through the trees, letting this changed body speed and dodge through the forest. The power surging through my body pushes me to go faster and faster and then I stop, feet sliding frantically through the mud as I try to keep my forward momentum from propelling me over the cliffs.

Panting, I flop down onto the ground to recover my breath and allow my mind to wander.

My imprint is damaged, perhaps beyond repair, and I really don't care.

I suppose I knew it was wrong from the moment that Jared imprinted on Kim and I saw it from another wolf's point of view. Kim is the centre of Jared's world. Emily is only half the centre of mine, maybe even less.

I think it's because of Leah.

Beautiful Leah.

Her face appears in my mind almost immediately and I remember how it was to love her, to feel her lips beneath mine, to touch her hair, to walk into a room and have her smile at me.

Everyone, including Leah, thinks that I gave her up so easily for Emily without a fight, but only I know the truth.

I did fight for her. I told her cousin that I couldn't bear to leave my Leah. And then I watched from afar, my head numb again, as I was told to break up with her, to leave her alone, to trade in one cousin for the next.

Emily didn't save me, she didn't soothe my soul – she poisoned it instead.

I see inside Jared's mind sometimes and know that there's a difference. Kim never demands, never makes a fuss, never wants more than what my brother can give her. In return, Jared showers her with devotion, always letting her know that she is loved and precious to him. He gives Kim the world because he wants her to have it, not because she stamped her foot at him and then ordered it.

I know that Jared can't distinguish other women from each other anymore. It's not that he can't physically see them in all their guises, but more that they are now a separate entity to him, collectively registered as being not-Kim. I watched once as one of my brother's ex-girlfriends came over to say hello and he barely remembered her name.

I'm different.

I could always see Leah. I could always read every expression that crossed her face. Imprinting on Emily didn't rob Leah from me, because a small part of me wouldn't let it. I loved her; I still love her. That's something that should've disappeared when the imprint happened but I clung on.

I know it's stubborn of me and it hurts all of us, but I can't let Leah go, and I can't give myself fully to Emily.

She's not my choice.

All of the rest of the pack think I dwell on Leah and mine's relationship because I pity her. It's not that at all. I just don't want to forget anything.

The only person who knows what I'm doing, though, is Jacob. He worked it out easily.

Sometimes I catch him and Bella watching me and I realise that they're aware of just how tightly I'm clinging to my memories. I know why he understands. It's because if the same thing happened to him, he would hold on as tightly as he could to Bella as well.

She's his _choice_.

So I remember, I grasp tightly onto every word spoken between us, even the angry ones now. And gradually, I find that the more I remember and the more I focus, the more clear Leah becomes to me in my head.

And the fainter Emily is.

I've been pulling away for months now, and although Emily frowns and simpers and acts like the perfect housewife, there is no turning back.

I am breaking my imprint and no-one can stop me.

I'm under no illusions. I know that if I leave Emily, Leah won't be overcome with joy and run into my arms. But at least I'll know that I have chosen one thing.

I need to be able to choose just one thing.

There's no need to patrol this evening; both Paul and Quil are out and they're more than capable, but I don't want to go home so I stay lying where I am on the cliff edge, still phased so they know I've got their backs if they need me.

The night is long with just my thoughts for company and when dawn breaks I turn and head back towards the house.

Emily is already awake. I hear her clattering around in the kitchen.

I have that moment again, that fuzziness.

There's a woman in my kitchen, her back turned to me, her hands neatly and efficiently transferring muffins from a baking sheet to the cooling rack. One of her hands is scarred and when she scratches her shoulder absentmindedly I can see that her neck is as well.

I blink.

Emily's there again.

I must have made a noise because she turns to look at me. "Sam?"

I stare bewildered at her.

"Sam," she says again. "Was everything all right out there?"

Patrol. She's talking about patrol. I should say something, tell her about my night, make up some flimsy details about what I did.

Instead, I can't stop looking at her.

My vision is blurring in and out and it's like I can see two different people superimposed over her body.

_Flash_. Emily. _Flash_. Leah. _Flash_. Emily. _Flash_. Leah.

Leah.

"Leah..."

She scowls, the expression crumpling up her face. Her teeth grind and for a moment I'm convinced that the look she's shooting me is one of pure hatred.

"What did she do this time?"

I don't understand. "What do you mean?"

"Was she out there causing trouble again last night? Why can't she just get over it and accept that we're happy..."

Happy. Are we happy? I don't even know anymore.

"...you'd think after all this time, she'd just learn to let it go..."

Emily hasn't learned to let it go. She still hates the fact that I was once Leah's and _she_ was once mine.

"...for her to keep causing all these problems for you..."

She never caused problems for me. I won't blame her for being heartbroken and it certainly isn't her fault that she phased and became a wolf.

"...I don't know what she expects from you..."

"Emily!" I finally interrupt her.

She gazes at me wide-eyed. The last time I raised my voice to her was right before I tore her face open with my claws. I try to make sure I'm quieter when I speak again.

"Please don't talk like that about Leah. She doesn't deserve it."

Emily opens her mouth for another tirade, but I hold up my hand to forestall it.

"She doesn't. We both treated her badly, and anyway, she wasn't even out last night."

Emily snorts derisively. "Typical. Not showing up just because she doesn't feel like it, when you can't cut a break."

I shake my head, negating what she says, trying to make her understand that I don't want this, I don't like this anger and unreasonable hatred towards my ex-lover.

"Emily..."

"...taking advantage of you just like she always does..."

"Emily."

"...serves her right that she killed her father, at least now she'll know what suffering feels like..."

The vitriol in her words takes me aback. I can't believe that I'm hearing this from Leah's cousin. They used to be as close as sisters and now Emily is taking some sort of sick pleasure in Leah's pain and feelings of guilt.

I blink and it's like I can truly see Emily for the first time since I imprinted.

Her eyes are enlarged with an almost psychotic rage and there's a smug satisfaction present on her face. With the addition of the scars – _those scars_ - that mar her cheek she looks...twisted.

I take a step back and then another one. With each backwards step I can feel the pressure around my chest loosening.

I was fighting my imprint with everything I had, but now I'm no longer fighting. Now she's actively repelling me.

Who is this woman that I let into my life, my home, my bed? Who is this bitter harpy who thinks she owns me? Who is this girl who betrayed her dearest loved one for the sake of competition?

I blink again and my mind snaps.

I end up on my hands and knees on the floor, a loud ringing echoing through my head. Emily is still talking but she sounds so far away, like noise distorted underwater. I can hear her calling my name but I can't respond at all. Pain shoots up and down my limbs, making my body spasm with its intensity.

Through the torment, though, I understand what is happening.

My imprint is broken and now my body is rejecting her presence in every cell.

A cool hand touches my fingers and I skitter back, my knees sliding on the hardwood floors. I don't want her touch. It feels wrong. When she tries to come closer again, I can't help my instinctual reaction to growl at her and my wolf takes pleasure from the spike in her anxiety as she moves away.

"Sam? What's going on? What's wrong?"

Her voice, which my wolf had once longed to hear, now grates on my ears.

She starts to come towards me again and I snarl, snapping my teeth at her.

"What's wrong with you?"

I need her to get away from me. I need her to leave me alone. I don't want her here, especially not so close to me

For once, _I_ am making the decisions.

"You need to go now," I command raspily. "You need to leave."

She stills.

I start to get angry that she's not listening.

"You need to leave now, Emily. You need to get out."

I don't know if she hears something different in the tone of my voice but she grabs her coat from the rack and opens the front door.

"I'm going to let you calm down and then I'll be back later," she tells me.

I snarl again in frustration. She doesn't understand.

"No. You need to get out permanently. I don't want you here anymore." I force the words out of my mouth. I really want her out of my home and my life, but a part of me remembers that this has been her life, too, for the last year and I never could be deliberately cruel.

She comes back into the room, the door slamming shut behind her.

"You don't know what you're saying. I'm not going anywhere, Sam. I'm your imprint."

That makes me laugh for some reason and Emily fumes as I chuckle hysterically from my position on the floor.

_I have no imprint._

It's a curious thought.

Emily is getting more and more cross, the frown line between her eyes getting deeper and deeper.

I, on the other hand, can't stop laughing.

"No, you're not," I blurt out. "You're not my imprint. I don't _have_ an imprint."

Her anger turns into worry and, while part of me wants to feel sorry for her, I can't stop the joy coursing through my veins at finally being free of all this shit.

I manage to compose myself eventually and stare upwards at Emily. She has her hand clasped over her mouth.

"I don't have an imprint," I repeat. "I broke it. I broke the imprint."

"What?! Why would you do that?" She is incredulous.

I struggle to get the words out.

"Because I made a choice, and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but I didn't choose you. I never chose you.."

She shrieks loudly, a sound of fury and frustration, and throws herself at me, pounding her fists against my shoulders and raking my face with her nails. Her hits feel like fly swats to me, but if I don't stop her then she's going to hurt herself. Grabbing her wrists gently, I push her away from me, feeling stronger as I do.

"Don't do that. You'll only hurt yourself."

My sounding so calm has the opposite effect on Emily and she begins screaming at me.

"Don't you tell me to calm down, you bastard! You've ruined me! Get out! Just get out of my house right now!"

"No."

Her mouth drops open at my refusal.

"This is my house, Emily. I'm not going to leave."

"You broke the imprint!"

I wince as the pitch of her voice makes something inside my ears twinge.

"You broke it! I can't believe you'd do that to me! How could you?!"

I step back, letting go of her wrists, letting go of her.

"You need to go, Emily. I'm sorry but this isn't our life anymore. It's over."

She stares at me, her eyes watering, betrayed. She seems to know now that it was all an illusion, one that both of us played into and one that I always wanted to be free of.

She stumbles towards the door and just before she leaves, points her finger at him.

"Just you wait. The council won't stand for this. I won't stand for this. You'll see."

She runs up the driveway onto the main road and heads towards her aunt's house. I can't bring myself to care that she's probably hoping that Sue will lay down the law with the council and demand that I submit to the imprint. I'm done with other people making decisions for me.

With Emily gone, all the stress that's been a part of my life for the last year and a half melts away and I once again end up hunched over on the floor, barely able to raise my head. I can't stop my body from shaking. It's like the shock of breaking the imprint has damaged my basic motor functions and I'm left with my muscles spasming uncontrollably. My ears fill with white noise and I close my eyes as they start to blur.

After a while I sense people approaching, although I'm too weak still to lift my head and see them. I inhale deeply and two familiar scents hit me.

Seth. Leah.

Obviously I was right when I guessed that Emily would immediately run to Sue's. The two siblings had clearly been sent to check on me.

Seth knocks on the door and calls out, even though it's open and he must know that I know he's here.

"Hey, Sam. What's going on?"

I can't reply, so he continues talking.

"Ummm, Emily came to our house really upset. She's saying that you've lost your mind and that you threw her out."

He kneels and touches my shoulder. My body automatically relaxes. He is pack. He is one of my wolves. It doesn't feel wrong for him to be in my house, for him to be near me.

The white noise is still ringing through my ears so when Leah speaks to him, I can't hear what she says.

Whatever it is, he squeezes my shoulder and then stands up.

"I'm going to grab some of Emily's stuff and take it back to our house. I'll give the rest of the guys a call and let them know what's going on and then I'll be back."

He moves away, his feet thudding heavily up the stairs. There is silence where I am now. Leah is still here. I can hear her breathing, but she's not talking and I can't turn my head just yet to see her.

Seth thunders down the stairs and says something to his sister, too low for me to hear.

"See you later, dude."

He leaves and now I'm left with Leah.

She doesn't move or try to talk. I fight against my body, which is still trembling, and manage to twist my neck around.

Leah is barefoot. I can only see as far as her shins.

I gain control over myself long enough to reach one arm out towards her. She doesn't move away from me. I touch her foot and suddenly my symptoms disappear. I roll over closer towards her, my hand curling around her ankle.

It feels amazing to be able to touch Leah again without her scowling, or glaring at me, or moving away. Instead, she just huffs and then folds herself down until she's sitting next to me. She doesn't move her foot away and I am comforted by this small show of trust.

"So," she begins, "you broke the imprint."

"Yes," I confirm.

She's still not backing away.

"She's not happy about it. Mom had to tell her not to swear and everything. I don't think I've ever heard her swear before."

She pauses.

"Why did you do it?"

My thumb runs repeatedly over the arch of her foot. "Because I never wanted it and it would be cruel to tell her that I love her when I don't. Not anymore. I don't know if I ever did."

"Huh."

She falls silent again, but her hand creeps over to cover mine.

It's not understanding, not yet, but it's something.

I'll take it.


End file.
